my imagination
Okay, so I’m gonna do a little rant now about my obsessiveness.
Currently talking on facebook chat with a Lea Michele who is fake, since she’s said she doesn’t have a facebook.. Plus she recently put her relationship status as “In a relationship with Kevin Michael Mchale”.. Like yeah right, gurl. Actually sort of sad considering I sorta thought that the Kevin account was real. :( He was so genuine….
BUT
Although that I know she’s fake, I can’t help but talking to her! ‘Cause in my head just the thought that maybe she might be real is so spectacular that I can’t even understand it.
Probably very few will understand, but the longing that I have to be one of these people is overwhelming.
It’s my biggest dream. Ever. It consumes me. I don’t believe in a God, so when I’m lost; I look to this dream because in my eyes it’s so perfect. Even every imperfection makes it all the more beautiful in my eyes. This whole world of professional acting seems like this perfect golden little bubble world and I’m staring into it on the outside looking for whatever little piece of it which can make me feel like a part of it. So, talking to these fake celebrities sorta does it.
I just think about this dream every single second of every day and sit there playing up the day that I’ll be the one.
Plus, possibly the most pathetic of all considering I don’t believe in fate:
I take it as a sign that Hollywood awards season just happens to fall in a nice little circle right around my birthday.
Gosh, the SAG awards, and the Golden Globes and the Oscars and the Grammy’s. Seriously, just thinking about it gives me butterflies.
I would give up everything just to be there. Just to be one of them. Just to do what I love every single day. And acting is such an impossibly competitive and just… generally impossible field to get into. It breaks my heart every single day to remember this.
I need this dream to come true. I can’t wait all my life for it, I just can’t. I want my dream to be my life.
It’s going to come true. People can’t want something this bad and be denied it. That’s too cruel.
And yes, I know that this entire post and maybe this entire dream is impossibly selfish and self-centered and all that jazz. I just know that if this impossible dream came true, no matter what happened, no matter what life threw at me - I’d be able to wake up smiling every morning because I was a part of something perfect.